Since I have been a year sober, I have earned the free pass to start dating again. That’s when I realized the bleak reality that I have never actually dated before. I’m going to cut out the cop out and say “never really” dated before; that one time he bought me Taco Bell and his Fire Sauce-laden hands stained my shirt in the boob-area does not count as a date.
Well, I’m going to say something that feminists aren’t supposed to say: I was completely undateable for a long, long time, and a lot of it was me and my refusal to attempt to attract good guys. I always blamed it on being overweight, or having acne, or guys just being ‘dumb’, or other shallow things, but I never, ever thought that maybe it was because I was really closed off to men, offensive, an alcoholic (an at times mean one), and radiated a ‘I’m here for a good time and that’s it’ mentality . When I was younger I had a ton of guy friends I would play with and I would always be one of the boys, and, for the most part, my guy friends didn’t want to date boys. As I became more comfortable with my femininity and sexuality, I started to get even more lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself, because I was so used to being a tomboy. Dresses? Make up? Boobs? WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL THIS GIRL STUFF? As I grew up I would never quite associate with the right type of guy for me. No one ever said, “oh, he seems great for you!”. Actually, my friends pretty much always didn’t like the guys I would hook up with. Honestly, I never really liked them that much, either. There were definitely a few I liked a lot, but for all of the wrong reasons. I would like them because they would treat me like I was nothing, or put me down…it’s awful, but it’s true. I was attracted to guys who pointed out the same flaws I saw in myself, and the great guy friends I have accumulated over the years were always just friends because they respected and loved me for me. YUCK! Next.
Well, being sober has opened my eyes to a lot about my friendships and relationships. The friendship arena was easy to tackle and, although painful, was great to sift through and find the red flags. Dating has not been as easy. I still harbor a lot of insecurities just from being human and my experiences with men. I, like many women, have my issues with men. I have been assaulted, I have been lead on, I have been friend-zoned, I have been lied to in order to get into bed, I have chosen to believe lies to get into bed, I have hooked up with people I absolutely would not have hooked up with had I been sober, I have hooked up with guys simply to get back at someone else or for the story…I really only had one experience with a guy I really liked and we shared both an emotional and physical attraction. We awkwardly (aka soberly) hooked up and I freaked out because I made him think I was this confident, chill girl, when in reality, I was a big ole bundle of nerves, anxiety, and inexperience. Long, long story short, after a couple of hook ups, he asked if we could just be friends because he was still recovering from a bad break up (which, in hindsight, was probably a way to let me down easy) and I lied and told him we could be just friends when I was crazy about him. We hung out all of the time, became extremely close, but were always ‘just friends’. Yeah, no one believed that crap, either, but apparently he did. I finally told him how I felt, he rejected me (as respectfully and nicely as possible), he broke my heart, and I have hooked up and dated down just about ever since to avoid ever being crushed like that ever again. I didn’t do it consciously, but as I reflect on the guys I had flings with or forced myself to connect with, they were always guys I knew I had no chance of a future with. Guys who I didn’t really find attractive. Guys who were “great, buuuuut….”. I protected my heart, yet I was constantly hurting myself by hooking up with guys who weren’t worth my time. I was convinced I was unlovable and not good enough for a good guy. I was 18 and gave up on ever finding love. How over-the-top dramatic is that? Queue drinking to numb my feelings and to make it easier to hook up with guys I don’t care up.
I definitely have liked plenty of guys since then, some I’ve hooked up with, some I haven’t, but it always paled to how I felt with that one guy from so long ago. That was when the drinking and ‘relationships’ became hand-in-hand. I started to get involved with guys I knew I would never have a future with, and would make myself believe that I had all of the power in the situation. Sure, I might not have liked the guys, but it’s not like they were obsessed with me, either. It was just apathy tango, and it made for some pretty depressing ‘relationships’. I would settle for so many HUGE deal breakers, because I never felt like I was worth it or loveable; I was lucky to have a guy look at me beyond ‘just friends’. So what if he wasn’t attractive to me at all and makes me feel bad about myself—he wants to put his dick inside of me! I should be THANKFUL, right!?
The thing is, that’s how I thought about myself for a very, very long time. I have confidence in so many aspects of my life and personality, but when it comes to attracting guys, I am completely an insecure mess. I am aware that I am beautiful and have a big chest and an ass sponsored in part by french fries, and in college I learned that guys will sleep with anything. However, in terms of making a guy want me beyond a sex toy or just friends, I never believed I could make a guy want to date me or just like me “like that”. It was a severe complex I had that made celibacy pretty darn easy in the recovery department. I never so much as blinked when in AA they said “you can’t have sex or a relationship for one year”. Twist my arm, why don’t you? Can you make it two years? I just never understood why people loved sex so much. TV and movies told me I should love it, and I should be sexual, BUT NOT TOO SEXY, but not too prude, either, but definitely a sexy prude tease that puts out. Cool!
Yeah, the celibacy was not hard. Honestly, the dating is way harder.
I officially, FINALLY, started going on dates. REAL dates. Where I am sober, and it was set up in advance, and it’s on a weekday night at a restaurant or something. Food and drinks are had, and the guy pays (I make 75 cents to the dollar, fuck going dutch on the first date if you ask me out). A d-a-t-e. And it. has. been…..scary for me. Just really, really scary. I have been using free dating apps, which I know you get what you pay for with those things, and my expectations are low, but I actually finally got the courage to meet one of the guys in person. A date! I got dressed up, wore heels, sexy underwear (lol), and wore my favorite perfume. It was surreal, but I hadn’t done that since that one guy broke my heart nearly a decade ago.
I went on the date, and not only did I not die, but I actually had a great time. I laughed at his jokes, I found him incredibly interesting and genuine, smart, dare I say even kinda cute? We went to a casino and actually won a decent amount of money in the slot machines and craps; I told him the last time I was in a casino was in Vegas when I was black out, got in a fight with everyone, particularly the one guy who was leading me on at that time, and I lost my wallet. I regretted never gambling and having the experience, so it was a bucket list moment for me. He bought us dinner and drinks (I did not tell him I was sober….that was awkward). We sat on the same side of the booth like those disgusting couples you hate. I even told him that I hate people that do that. He didn’t care. I didn’t either. We talked for hours about literally nothing. It was really, really nice.
As we were talking and he was trying to touch me (in a non-creepy way), I would immediately retract. I cringed when he complimented my eyes or my smile. I would get really sarcastic when he complimented my dress (I mean, I know he wasn’t complimenting my dress…my boobs looked fantastic in it. I didn’t wear it to get complimented on my shoes). I just was throwing up those walls again that I did when I drank, and it really disappointed me that I kept going back to my old tricks. I just couldn’t let go of those past feelings of rejection and insecurity that I have worked so, so hard on building back up over these past 15 months. I felt like all that work was for nothing. I can’t make a guy like me if I don’t believe he could like me. Cliche, but true.
Then I did something I shouldn’t have. I asked if he wanted to hang out and smoke.
I am so adamant about women being able to do whatever they want, with whomever they want when it comes to dating. I have been slut-shamed and sexually humiliated by men with locker room talk over the years, and it is a terrible feeling. Especially when I am apparently always friend-zoned, I have been celibate for over a year TWICE (like, I have done this before, EVEN WHEN I DID DRINK.), and I can count on my one hand how many men I’ve hooked up with in five years. But yes, I too have been slut-shamed. If anything you would think I would be called prude, but since I have a large chest and a loud personality, some people assume I am easy. I take responsibility for perhaps exuding that behavior in my drinking days, but at the end of the day, sexist stereotypes are sexist stereotypes, and I get them, too, as I’m sure every woman reading this has been sexually stereotyped based on their appearance. I can’t even imagine what my friends of color have experienced–I get sexualized when I say I’m French, for God’s sake. I can’t imagine what women of color deal with, and it’s just despicable.
We went to his place, smoked, and watched Netflix. Need I say more? It was a great night, and I ended the chapter of my 18 months of celibacy. We kissed and it was fireworks. I felt those butterflies I haven’t felt in so long, that I thought only existed in drinking hazes. He was actually a good kisser. He was respectful of me and my boundaries. He did not pressure me, nor was he expecting company since he was frantically trying to clean up when he let me into his house. We stayed up all night, and he had work at 6 in the morning. He invited me to sleep over, but I was not going to wake up at 6 am to not go to work. He told me what a great time he had, how we should do this again, and told me to text him the second I got home, but not while I’m driving. He kissed me goodbye and my knees buckled. I was freaking smitten.
We texted all day the next day. He talked all about where he will take me next after his beach weekend. Cute. He told me to break a leg at my show and was so excited for me. He would text me random things here and there and we talked all weekend.
But he wouldn’t set a date!
So I decided to throw my admittedly traditional philosophy aside and make a move.
And you know what, at first I was disappointed. I felt kind of dumb, and a little embarrassed. And who knows, maybe he will send me some text this weekend and I’ll post our engagement photo. Buuuut I don’t see that happening. He’s just not that into me, and come to think of it, I wasn’t that into him, either. How could I, I barely know him! I was attracted to him and enjoyed his company, and yeah, we had a great date, but other than that…I don’t have much else to miss. That’s when I realized how scary dating is now a days. There are so many options, and everyone is so disposable. There is always someone around the corner to swoop you up, feed you pizza, and make out. The old me would’ve sent a passive aggressive text calling him out on blowing me off, or how he lead me on, or blah blah blah….but you know what I did instead? I swiped right some more guys, and started talking to another, cooler guy, who is a doctor that volunteers and has the cutest dog in the entire planet. We have a date tonight. He’s picking me up. We’re going to a real restaurant. The other guy was so last week. And maybe this guy will be so last week next week. Who cares! It’s dating, and it’s supposed to be fun. I’m learning what it’s like to have fun with dating. To kiss a guy and not freak out (completely). Baby steps!
The old me would have never done that. I would’ve given up, claimed all guys are the worst, and hang out with my gay friends and groan about how awful everyone is. Now, that last part is still always on the table, but I just dusted off my shoulders, genuinely believed it was his loss, and got back on the horse. I might just be ready to date, after all.
And, might I add, the tinder guys will not have any access to my social media or able to go to a show for a very, very long time.
Here’s to loving yourself, dating, and simply not playing games. Just being honest, cutting them loose the second you see a red flag, and having some fun along the way.
Last night was so much fun! A huge thank you to everyone who made it out!! I had such a great time getting to see old friends and meet new ones. Missed out? Don’t worry, I recorded it. The phone fell off the chair, but luckily I was loud enough for it to pick up everything from the show, to me freaking out backstage. I hope you enjoy it!
MET’s ‘Comedy Pigs Comedy Extravaganza’ Set for August
The Comedy Pigs, who have been making audiences laugh for over 22 years, are thrilled to invite some of their friends and bitter rivals from the DMV to Frederick for a weekend of hilarity. Writer, comedian, and personal shopper Suzanne Lassise will stumble into town as she has stumbled through adulthood, one over-priced (but worth it!) shoe at a time. Ladies Night Out explore what it means to be women, in more ways than one. Prettier Than You, a DC-based long-form improv troupe with a focus on character work, thinks that they are, um, prettier than you. Local comic, Isabel Duarte is a member of the Comedy Pigs, a MET company member, and a regular contributor to the weekly comedy show and podcast, “The Last Hurrah.” Tributes is an improv comedy act from Baltimore that specializes in friendship, mind-reading, and a lack of boundaries. While exploring the periphery of relationships, they fulfill wild dreams and realize impossible scenarios right before your eyes! Additional performers will include Topher Bellavia, The Last Hurrah, Porkchop Volcano, Trampus, Send in the Clowns, Tramped, Washington College Improv, Drop Three Improv, Devin Greene, Girlfight, Topher and You, Going to the Movies Alone, and of course, The Comedy Pigs!
In addition to the “Comedy Pigs Comedy Extravaganza” performances, The Comedy Pigs will be hosting improv workshops led by Topher Bellavia. Topher Bellavia is an actor, director, designer, and writer who lives and performs in DC. He has performed with the Washington Improv Theater and has won two 48 Hour Film Project Awards. He was the Managing Director for the Washington Improv Theater for four years and has continued to offer training in Corporate Improv and Creativity. He has worked with The Comedy Pigs over the years and is currently hosting the “Maryland Wednesday Drop-in” in Silver Spring to work with local groups on their improvisation skills. The first workshop will focus on “The Power of Positivity” and the second workshop will work on “Interacting with Locations and Objects.” The workshops will take place on August 8 at 12pm and 3:30pm.
“Comedy Pigs’ Comedy Extravaganza” will run Friday and Saturday, August 7 and 8 at 8 p.m. at Maryland Ensemble Theatre (31 W Patrick St. Frederick) located in the historic FSK Hotel. These shows are intended for mature audiences only and tickets are $17 (all fees included). The Comedy Pigs Improv Workshops will cost $25 and are intended for individuals of all ages who are interested in learning more about improvisation. Reservations for the workshops should be done in advance because there is limited space available for each class. For more information visit marylandensemble.org or call (301) 694-4744.
A week has passed since I last performed. After getting back on the saddle with stand up, at first, I felt a little disheartened. Not that I expected to kill, but I was just kind of jarred by how hard it is, how delusional I must be to think I can actually *do* comedy, and what my life will entail doing open mics more and more frequently. It was scary, and I didn’t feel ready.
Then as I got more support and wrote about it more, I felt more at ease about the situation. It’s miraculous how a week of just preparing and getting kind of excited will do to you. I wanted to do some more open mics but my work schedule just won’t budge right now. Tuesdays are typically good for me, so I do open mics then. I was back at Wits End Saloon and saw some familiar faces when I came in promptly for sign up. I was the first to sign up, Suzanne Lacease. I sat alone with my moleskine and waited. and waited. and waited.
The MC told me I was up first, and I was actually kind of relieved. I just wanted to get it over with, because my jitters were kicking in and I was starting to get nervous. He called me up, and it was like I was a completely different person than from what I was last week. I just sat on the stool, remembered my moleskine this time, and just chatted with the audience.
Now, there were maybe 8 people in the audience, but I got constant laughter and participation from the audience. It felt great. I was just talking to them like they were my friends, and we all felt much more comfortable. I wasn’t trying to hard to be witty or funny, I just said what was on my mind and it worked so much better. I forgot some one liners I wanted to say, which I’m still kicking myself about, but I am overall really pleased by how it turned out! I also ended too early and was at a complete loss as to what to say when I was done with my two bits. I wanted to tune them up for my big show so I forgot to make it long enough to fit into a set. I talked about dating again with this set, and have come to terms with the fact that I am just gonna do dating jokes as I start out because they are easy for me and it’s something I know, at least. I don’t know relationships, but I definitely know dating. I just got to suck it up and realize I’m not Chappelle or Carlin…yet. :)
I got up, did my thing, got some laughs, and PROMPTLY got out the door. I just did not want to hear dick jokes or any jokes, really. I just was not in the mood and I have an early morning tomorrow. I was home in bed by 10:40 PM. Now that is a great open mic to me.
My big show released its flyer today and I can’t be more excited. With this solid open mic under my belt and more to come, I am feeling more and more confident that I will put on a good show. I’m trying my best to not beat myself up or be hard on myself because I’m just doing it for once and not getting in my own way. It’s nice to look out on the horizon and not see me standing there blocking myself from my dreams.
I am tucking myself into bed and getting some sleep. Until next time!
Come join me and Maryland’s best comedy acts for the show that keeps on giving! I am so excited and nervous to do this big show and I would love for you to come see it! The show is at the Maryland Ensemble Theater in Frederick, Maryland. Tickets are available here!
I’d like to share with you my open mic life, as it helps me get better at my, dare I say it, “craft”. I started writing about open mics years ago (I can’t believe it’s been YEARS…yikes), then got a new job and a whole bunch of excuses to get in the way of my life. Now, I am getting back into it, and as an incentive, I want to write about every performance I do. The good, the bad, the ugly.
I have a big show August 8 (Marylanders, buy your tickets!! It’s a great line up of comedy Improv troupes and stand-ups) and I realized something: I should probably practice and get a tight 10 minutes of material ready. You know, prepare? Maybe? I am someone who rarely studied and got A’s (B’s…C’s…and D’s…but mostly B’s!) a pretty good athlete that always groaned during practice but always delivered at game time, and an improviser at heart, but I know I have to cut that habit out if I ever want to get that A. I can coast all I want but at the end of the day, you just won’t get good if you don’t practice. I’m learning that the hard way.
My girlfriend’s boyfriend, Devin, is a comic in Maryland who was kind enough to let me in on his open mic plans. There was a small show at Wit’s End Saloon next to Magooby’s Joke House in Timonium, and I’ve been to the bar before to eat some food, but never knew there was a stand up show there. I have been coasting a lot recently and haven’t performed in months. It’s my own fault, but I work every day just about, and when I don’t, I’m traveling. I don’t abuse adderall anymore so I just don’t have the energy I used to “have” back in the day when I worked 15 hours a day. I know I need to reel in my work schedule, but that’s another story for another meeting with my therapist. I just never think I’m doing enough, and honestly, I am doing way too much. Way. Too. Much. Comedy took a back seat because it didn’t make me money, and I thought I was hot shit and funny because my friends think so. I don’t know many newbie comics who don’t think that way; we’re all delusional to think we can become real comedians. That’s how all of the greats start–completely, utterly delusional, but performing every single night.
It’s about time I did the same.
We got to the show and like clock work, I pulled up next to Devin in the parking lot. It was cosmic, or it was just the closest spot by the bar. You decide. I met the other comics on the line up, and met the MC. He was very friendly. I was very nervous. I was wearing my lucky Nike kicks and my favorite red lipstick, and I still felt nervous. I signed my name on the line-up sheet “Suzanne Lacease” just to avoid the dreadful Lassie pronunciation. It was in ink. Boom. Done. Now it’s time to sit and wait.
Am I even going on? Did the MC forget me? I don’t blame him, but I can’t hear one more dick joke…
I went outside to take a deep breath and chat with some drunk guys who told me they’d laugh at my jokes ‘no matter what’. I was so nervous I believed them. The MC came out and told me I was coming on after a guy with a vest adorned with buttons a la Girl Scouts. This is it!
I was called to the stage, and I decided to record being called up and screamed “LET’S TELL SOME DICK JOOOOOKEEEEESSS” on video for Instagram. It was greeted with 0 response, I pressed ‘done’ and posted it on to Instagram. At least the people on IG can hear the clapping and not the ‘what?’ I felt like as the only woman on the line up I should call out the very obvious theme of masturbation and dick jokes that was throughout the hour and a half I was patiently waiting.
I decided that they didn’t really hear me (false) or that they really thought I was going to tell dick jokes (another false), and I made a joke about how I don’t have that kind of business to banter about. I got the giggle. Ok, phew, let’s go.
Then I look to the stool to open my Moleskine of jokes I wrote, or a set list I had scribbled, and I realize it’s on the table by Devin and I was a deer in headlights. I joked about being unprepared (everyone’s favorite…sigh) and Devin tossed me the Moleskine that I dropped on the floor. Welp, I thought, I’m gonna just wing it.
I started off talking about being from Baltimore, but I couldn’t quite remember how I set up the joke in my Moleskine and it fell flat. Wasn’t awful, but just wasn’t funny. Luckily I had a lot of guys in the audience who were from Baltimore so they at least were on my side. Kind of like a “ok, white girl, bring it home to Baltimore”. I slabbed on my accent and kept going.
On to the next!
Then I joked about my job in retail, and I got some tepid laughter. It wasn’t hysterical, and it was a little too long-winded to get to the punchline. Luckily, once I got to the punchline, it got the laugh, and I felt all right. I’m not killing, but this room is about 10 half-drunk comics who have heard it all. You just aren’t going to kill, and that’s ok! Tepid laughter from a comic means I should hold on to it for another open mic.
Then I kind of forgot what else to say. SMASH CUT: DATING JOKES!
I hate dating jokes. I don’t know, I just have heard them all from way funnier women, and they just are always the same. Amy Schumer and Whitney Cummings are the go-to dating joke gurus, and even then sometimes the jokes are like “uuugghhhhh we get it”. But I didn’t know what to say, and I felt like talking about something I know will get a laugh because it is fucking funny. Shout out to my newest Instagram follower “Orgasm.Giverr”. He saved my set. I can improve on it but I have a good set up and I built my confidence back up. The guy in the front was smiling. Devin was laughing because he’s a good guy, but when someone is a stranger and laughs, you feel good.
Then I had some joke about charmers that I honestly know was so good when I had it written, but completely forgot the punchline. I forgot the set up, and a huge chunk of the story. It got a giggle but it fell flat, but I know it can get better with some practice.
I stayed and listened to one last comic, then decided I had to get home for work in the morning. I got some smiles from the other comics, and nods. It felt good to be back. I chatted with a guy from LA outside and we chatted about LA and open mics. He was aloof, like a lot of comics, but he seemed like good company. As I was talking, the MC came outside and asked me how long have I been doing stand up. I just passively said “not very long”, because honestly, either answer isn’t going to make me look good. I was expecting a “oh, I can tell” or something like that, but he nicely said “oh, wow. Well that OkCupid joke was great. It was a great set up, and it was so obvious, yet I never heard anyone say anything about it before. It was really funny.”
That’s all I needed to hear.
So all in all, my “first” open mic (let’s just call it that) was a pretty good time. I was used to “killing” in front of my friends and it made me a bit delusional. I’m so glad I got out there in front of strangers in a room of dudes and just did it. I didn’t do amazing, but I did just fine. That’s how you should be when you start out. You don’t kill every time. If you’re killing when you’re starting, you’re in the wrong room. I learned that tonight, and I’m so glad I did. I texted Devin and want to set up an open mic on Thursday.
a la George Costanza, I’M BACK IN BUSINESS, BABY!
Here’s another feature of #totalhonestytuesday in The Financial Diet! I have always been self-conscious of my thighs, as I’m sure many women can relate, and I decided to show them off to the world. The feedback has been overwhelming and awesome (from women, of course!). Love yourself and love your thunder thighs, ladies! Skinny, curvy, flat, voluptuous: you’re all beautiful. Stop rolling your eyes, it’s true!
I participated in #totalhonestytuesday and was selected to be featured in The Financial Diet! It’s a website about financial literacy for millennials and is co-founded by one of my Maryland writer heroes, Chelsea Fagan. I fangirled out when I saw that she selected and enjoyed my piece about how I’ve been feeling since I hit my one year sobriety mark. I loved this concept and was moved by what people shared. What would you like to be totally honest about next week?
Check out the first installation of #TotalHonestyTuesday!
Here’s the caption I wrote for my contribution
Some come to Governors Ball for the social media glory, some come for the bands, some come for the Molly: I come for the fashion.
Not that I don’t look forward to seeing Conor Oberst, Atmosphere, Death From Above 1979, yadda yadda DRAAAAAAKE yadda, but I love seeing what New York’s finest put together for the music festival to end all music festivals. I know I looked forward to what I put together.
Now, just because I love the fashion inspiration of Gov Ball doesn’t mean I’m gonna put on a flower headdress and a paisley peasant top. This look is perfect for a first day. We have the fun pattern of a casual Lush sundress, paired with my favorite Halogen chambray denim button down with cool embellishments that always catch my eye in the mirror. Since I’ll be on my feet in dirt all day, the shoes have to be comfortable and able to get muddy. See: Sam Edelman chain sandals. I got them for a steal and they feel like air, despite the weird toe ring, they really do bring an outfit together without sacrificing comfort. Last but certainly not least, it’s time for the panama floppy hat to make its debut in NYC! This hat took a lot of courage to try; I usually steer clear of a trendy accessory, but I love the sun blocking and chic touch it brings to any outfit.
Ah, the Romper. I took the plunge and gave it try. Like I said, I’m not super big on trends but decided that this is the time to really go for it and try out anything! The romper was a steal from H&M and I always envied how they looked on my other friends, so I gave it a go. Aside from the obstacle course it takes to go to the restroom in this thing, it’s a super comfortable, easy chic outfit. I added the Lucky Brand flannel because it might rain, and also I just had to throw some grunge on it to make it more “me”. I may or may not nix it, I know I should, but I just can’t let go. The galaxy vans are my favorite random purchases I made last fall and they will not miss the opportunity to make an appearance at Gov Ball. To top it all off, I added a House of Harlow necklace that’s edgy but bohemian. Boom.
I am obsessed with this outfit. I know a lot of people hate wedge kicks, but I am not one of them. I love my Baublebar Courtney Bib Necklace like a child, and it takes any simple outfit to another level. I got a black and white dress on eBay and it has pockets, so, I mean… And the Kut from the Kloth denim jacket is my favorite jacket–if you ever need a denim jacket, this brand is your best friend. They have stretch, comfort, and durability that just can’t be beat. It’s a little steep in price, but I’ve worn it so many times it pays for itself.
I am really excited for the weekend ahead and it feels great to be back in NYC. I know I will be moving soon and I can’t help but smile every time I’m here. I look forward to making this city my home in the future, but for now I’m going to sit back, slab on some SPF 50, and enjoy some of these sick beats.